An Old Bikers Revenge

Talisman · #1 (**permalink**) 08-24-2007, 12:30 PM

Some time ago I sat down and wrote this little ditty based upon a joke I had heard years ago. Some of you might have seen me post it to another forum some time ago, so to those I humbly apologize for the duplication. To the rest who have never seen me post this, I hope you enjoy it.

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An Old Bikers Revenge

Having lived the carefree and somewhat unbridled lifestyle of a biker for much of his life, Tank decided that he was finally ready to settle down, and live a considerably lower keyed sort of lifestyle. He wanted nothing more than to simply be left alone, and not be bothered by anyone. Having found a quiet little town seemingly perfect for this, he soon began settling into a modest little house with a garage just adequate enough for his old truck, and of course, his Harley. But small towns being what they are, word soon spread quickly of the new resident “biker” in town, and of course rumors began to abound as to just where this outlaw hailed from, and just why it was that he had chosen “their” town to live in.

One morning while having breakfast at the local café (the “only” café in town) Tank sat quietly in a corner enjoying his eggs, sausage, and coffee while reading the local rag. This particular morning being Sunday, the café was soon filled with most all of the local town folk enjoying their usual ritual of breakfast in their Sunday best, and in particular a well known resident by the name of Agnes Magilicutty. Now Agnes was usually quick to point out that her family was among the founding fathers of this small town, and very well respected in the upper social circles of the rest of the county as well. As she was also a long standing member of the city counsel, this further allowed her a considerable amount of influence in the local community. Agnes was well known for her outspokenness, and was usually quick to voice her opinion when matters of the local community, and its residence were the subject, and most anything else really. This was particularly true when it came to the subject of social riffraff as she defined it. It was rumored that Agnes was once married long ago, but she would never comment on this subject. As a rule, most dared not pursue it any further with her anyway. Some of the folks felt that if their ever was a man in Anges’s life, he had long since came to his senses, waited until nightfall when she was fast asleep, and made haste his getaway out a window of opportunity, never to be heard from again!

Well on this particular morning, Agnes was also having breakfast with her local ladies club, and as usual was voicing her opinion of how the community “aught” to be run. It didn’t take long before Tank was noticed by the ladies quietly sitting in the corner reading his paper, and eating his breakfast. Tank, as expected, soon found himself the target of Agnes, and as such, she soon began addressing her flock of fellow hens on the evils of bikers, and just what social derelicts they all truly were! Agnes seem to gather energy as if she was once again running for public office, telling of how she had once been to the big city, and while there saw a movie depicting the “true” evils of the motorcycle gangs, and how they terrorized entire towns from they’re loud Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Of course this was met with wide eyes full of shock, and terror, and cries of; “My word!” and; “How could they?!” Naturally this only served to spawn Agnes’s tirade even more, and her eyes sparkled with fire as she told tails of the lawlessness, and deviant behavior of these rogue bikers and their evil ways! This of course only served to spin the now terrified townsfolk more and more into a panicked froth. Throughout all this Agnes kept glancing over at the quiet old biker in the corner, still drinking his coffee, and reading his paper, seemingly waiting for some sort of reaction from the long haired, bearded customer. Finally, when Agnes was satisfied that she had stirred not only the members of her Ladies club at the immediate table well into a frenzied fright and distain for all bikers in general, but the entire clientele of the café present as well, she paused for a moment before addressing the old biker just finishing the last of his breakfast.

“You sir!” she said with a scowl.
“Clearly you’re not from around here, and quite frankly we don’t like your kind poisoning our community with your heathen “biker” ways!

Now Tank could tell plenty of stories of days long since gone by in which he had found himself more than once in some truly precarious situations. The fact that he was still around to tell these stories was evidence enough that he had been able to, in one way or another, make his way out of most of these situations. But this particular morning as the eyes of the entire café were upon him anxiously awaiting his reaction, Tank merely drained the last of his cup of coffee, and without saying a word, quietly folded his paper, slipped on his well worn leather jacket, and his oil stained ball cap. As he casually walked to the counter to pay his bill, the air was so thick with silence you could have heard a mouse fart. Agnes of course, was still awaiting her answer from the raggedy old biker as Tank paid for his breakfast. But before he walked out, Tank paused for a moment, looked at Agnes, and with a sparkle in his eyes gave her a somewhat odd little smile before continuing out the door. Everyone in the café watched in silence as the old biker climbed on his trusty old Harley, gave it a couple of kicks, and with a roar of the pipes, was gone. After which Agnes broke the silence, and continued for a while longer on her soapbox tirade on the evils of these lawless bikers. Assuring those listening that no biker had ever even once set foot in church seeking redemption for his life of promiscuity, let alone to attend Sunday services!

That night after the town had gone to sleep, including Agnes, Tank quietly rolled his bike over to Agnes’s house, and carefully parked it in her driveway. He then smiled to himself that same little smile he had shown Agnes that very morning, and walked back to his home, enjoying the quiet stillness of the evening along the way.

Tank still lives in that small little town to this very day. He bothers no one, and no one bothers him….particularly Miss Agnes Magilicutty.